Ashes To Ashes

About a month ago my brother was in a car accident. He went off the road and hit a tree. I was studying for my art history exam when my mother called me. I was in the library. I almost didn’t answer her call because I needed to study and I was pretty sure I’d have a bad phone connection since I was in the basement. I still answered the phone. My mother’s voice sounded frail when she told me my brother had been in a car accident. Now this is a shocking sentence for anyone but you don’t know me and my brother. My brother, my only living #1 true best friend. I pushed my papers to the floor and stuggled to gather them. Within moments I was on my feet dashing toward the door. My mother told me he was in the hospital but that they didn’t know how bad he was hurt. I was scared. I really didn’t want to loose my brother.

One thing led to another and eventually I was able to see him. He looked, well, like he’d been in a car accident. His face was hurt on one side and there was glass in his hair. He had dried blood on him. I felt my heart hurt seeing him like that. I knew he was alive but I was still sad. Later I saw his car and the crash site and only then did I realize how close I really was to loosing my brother. In fact, I was so overwhelmed that it almost felt like I did loose him. All I wanted was to stick to his side like glue. If anything bad was going to happen to him it was going to happen to me also, but that didn’t work. I’ve tried to see him but he still hurts in ways I can’t simulate.

I’ve been struggling with God all my life. I never accepted him when I was younger. Even when I believed he existed I didn’t love him. I’ve been hurting about my past for so long that I became obsessed with myself. With my grief. I never stopped to think that God was making me into someone better. I never liked what happened and I will never like it but I’m happy that God made me who he has. He’s made me this way and that makes me happy. Because of everything I can appreciate life. I understand the pain of life and the sting of being a sinner. I know what it’s like to hate God so I know how others feel now. I don’t know what other’s lives have been like but I know anyone who does not love and accept God must have felt hurt by him at some point in their life. If that is not the case than I want to know what has made them refuse God.

That being said, I am on a roller coaster ride in my faith. I feel high highs and low lows and I don’t really know what to do but to just stay on the ride and try to enjoy the wind in my hair. When I heard my brother was hurt I felt a low low but when I heard he was ok I felt a high high. Once, a while ago, someone said to think about what we hold higher than God in our lives. Well, I tried to think there was nothing I held higher than God but then the person said this. What would you hate God for talking away from you? Without a stutter I thought of my brother. The one who has been by my side through all of my troubles and knows all of my secrets. The one who is the other half of all of my inside jokes. The one who led me to God.

Blood And Chocolate (Spoiler)

So, a long time ago I read the book Blood and Chocolate at the command of one of my friends who promised I would love it. Well, I read it and it was a love/hate relationship. I really liked Vivian, the main character, but hated the human boy she fell in love with, Aiden. I did like Gabriel, the head of the 'pack' who wants Vivian to be his 'mate'.
The story is about Vivian falling in love with Aiden and ultimately wanting to share the fact that she is a werewolf with him. In the book she loves who she is and is really proud of her heritage. Once she reveals herself Aiden gets totally freaked and eventually tries to kill Vivian who doesn't die but she does end up with Gabriel who had loved her all along. It's a really good novel once the annoying Aiden is finally gone and Vivian and Gabriel can finally be together as they were meant to be.

This weekend I watched the movie Blood and Chocolate. Naturally I assumed it would be different from the book but how different I wasn't prepared for. My first problem with the movie was Astrid. In the movie Astrid is Vivian's aunt whom she moved in with after the death of her parents (and siblings?). This was totally weird and off because Astrid IS Vivian's mom. That aside I continued the movie. I lost my patience with the movie once I realized they had no intention of following the book what so ever. According to the movie the pack had these little ritual 'hunts' where everybody went after one particular human. The real pack never did this as it was against their code. Also, not only did Vivian and Aiden meet completely different, so was their relationship. The stupid movie had Aiden stick with Vivian to the end which I hated since the real Aiden was to much of a jerk to do. But what happened at the end made everything else seem like simple changes compared to this. They KILLED Gabriel. My sweet, loving, leader. In a truly 'Underworld' tone, they treated Gabriel as if he were the vamp leader. They acted like he was driven by the need for power. His death was all to quick and it seemed as if it didn't even matter. How can they call it the same when the entire ending changed??

I'm really sorry for ranting but I just couldn't stand it. This has really upset me and I can't believe Annette Curtis Klause, the author, was willing to let them rip her story apart. None of the characters acted the same (other than the annoying group of young males in the pack) and they changed the ending. If I ever end up publishing a novel, please don't ever let this happen to my novel. If they make a movie about it I would hope that they'd at least have the decency to leave my ending the way I wrote it.